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Thoughts about my friend

 I had a cup of tea with a friend of mine. During the course of our chat over tea he said some things which, given my persecution complex & sense of inferiority, made me mull over what he had said. Not wanting to come to a rash conclusion I decided to probe but without being confrontational. One of the things he had mentioned was the staggering amount he has to pay as fees towards his children's education. So I thought I'd start there. 

"How much fees do you have to pay?, I asked him through a message. The figure he mentioned sobered me! "How do you manage?", I followed up, knowing his financial muscle, which wasn't really any muscle. 

His reply was laced with a certain pride. "Born to manage", he wrote. 

Naturally, here was a man, courteous, helpful, always in good cheer. Not once would you suspect that he had the usual problems of children's education, running a home, taking care of his old mother... 

I felt great respect for my friend. I felt humbled that I am not ten percent as responsible as he is. I felt guilty. Guilty that I presumed that he was oblique during our conversation over tea. 

I had lived without bothering about what I believed (still do) to be unnecessary price we pay to appear sane & normal ; the duniyadari we observe in order to be accepted by our society. 

I think he has motivated me inadvertently. I hope to be able to be a friend to him, not just in name but in substance. I have no money worth the name but I shall endeavour to work. Do whatever I do sincerely and if, by Grace, I come into some money, offer to help him out. 

On my way back I met a young couple. They wanted to ask me some questions so I suggested that we sit down on a rock along the way. As I answered the young couple, an inexplicable stab of pain entered me. Not physical but mental & emotional. I struggled to keep my tear from falling off my eyes. The young couple allowed me to gather myself graciously. 

Then I opened my heart to two strangers with honesty. They probably thought of me as someone dedicated to askesis. I wish...

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