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My Lil.


"Wish I could hug her for one last time"

"Yes. But You are far away. I'll do it for You. She'll understand... hopefully"

"I'll do it for You" "She'll understand, hopefully" Are these things we tell ourselves or to one another when there is nothing You can  do to stop someone from dying? Dying, the final departure, is as momentous as birth of a child. Then all there is, is memory: the time we spent here on earth, made our little history. And then one day we say goodbye ourselves. 

We bade goodbye to Lily yesterday. 

I am happy that she doesn't have to suffer her blindness, her traumas, her many physical difficulties, her pains and aches. But something wrings at my heart that I will never be able to hug that being in that gossamer poodle body. 

It had been decided that our fifteen year old poodle, Lily, had had enough of earthly existence. She'd got bad treatment in the pound before she was one year old, She survived four surgeries — including the complete removal of both her eyes, hearing loss, hip dysplasia, kidney stones and, aging. One of the worst phases of our lifetime is aging. To be dependent on the mercy of another is very demeaning.

Lily ate food for the last time on Thursday last. She had no appetite, no desire to carry on. At times she would sense when I walked in & she would sit up. I would sit by her, give her a belly rub, scratch her chest and she would lift her arm and relax. 

Intense dog! Very intense but never assertive or aggressive. Just took whatever came her way. Oh! Lily... 

She loved chicken liver; from the last Thursday onwards she simply didn't like food. 

Since a couple of months she had started losing weight. She had become skin and bones. We would carry her for "walks" put her on her feet to pee & crap. With no eyes she had given up sniffing around. Of late she had given up almost everything except to stay somehow in that withered frame of hers. 

And to think that Lili chased ball when she was younger! She jumped two feet high to catch the ball; it was so beautiful to watch her skip like a little fawn to sight the ball lobbing father away in the tallish grass! My "Lil" was a marvelous blessing from the Universe! 

You will be missed Lil, for nothing can ever fill the emptiness you have left behind. You were tiny, but You occupy my entire heart ❤ I'm sure You live in the many hearts You touched. 

Love You Lili. Godspeed! 💕





Comments

  1. nima29 September 2026 at 16:10

    Love and pain so related. Better to love and grieve that to have never loved at all. Your love for Lily is so palpable.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haze and Mist29 September 2026 at 17:27

      Yes, indeed. But I feel there is an area where you make peace, let go. It is sublime, the letting go. Then only love remains.

      Delete

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